I originally wrote this item in 2007.
Embarrassed!
Did she just say, embarrassed?
Have you ever noticed that sometimes during the heat, of what the self-help gurus call “a healthy discussion” (an argument where I come from) something is said that takes the whole thing to the next level?
The word embarrass is that something today.
She asked; “Doesn't the way you live your life embarrass you?”
I knew what she really meant - but before I could respond with my answer, I instinctively heard myself ask this question. What do you mean by, 'the way I live my life'?
She went on to define “embarrassed” as it relates to my life as; me driving a piece of crap car - living in a camper - working in the construction business after nearly 30 years in a management career. Then the clincher; the way you now profess to be a “Christian” after making a fool of yourself all those years telling people you weren't even sure there was a God.
Well the gloves were certainly coming off now (as they say) as it was obvious this was heating up quickly to become one of those throw-down types of arguments. I guess it was a good thing I'm one of her friends, because I would hate to be attacked by her if I were one of her enemies!
Her pause led me to believe she had emptied her clip, and was reloading - so I took advantage of the situation as any brave soldier would do by jumping in. I started to (as most "healthy discussion" participants do) unload my barrage of rocks back at her, and then I hesitated. For out of nowhere came a voice that said; you without sin cast the first stone, and so I no longer had the urge to pop her up side the head with a rock. Suddenly my entire mindset changed, and I found myself reaching deep into my heart for a civil response, and this is what came out.
“Do you want to know what it takes to embarrass me? I'll tell you! It takes being 15 years old, just getting off the school bus in the housing projects where you and your family has lived for years. You round the corner while jostling with your friends, and there standing before you is the most embarrassing moment of your life. Everything you and your family own has been thrown out onto the sidewalk in front of your apartment. Your clothes, your bed, your record collection, dishes, dirty clothes, artificial Christmas tree, everything! So, how do you as a kid handle that kind of embarrassment? How do you maintain any semblance of self-dignity when your friends and neighbors see you stripped naked before the world?”
“It was already hard enough to fool yourself into believing you had a little bit of self-dignity as it was. Especially around the kids at school (the ones that you wanted so badly to be accepted by) yet they all knew you rode the bus back and forth from the housing project. As we all know, at a drop of the hat kids have a tendency to throw that kind of stuff out there to embarrass you. Yet, you've come to grips with it and still tried to hold your head up.
Fortunately you still have the kids that rode the same bus to call your peers. They’re in the same situation - so they can relate. A band of misfits, or ‘family members’ as I now look back at them as. But on this day that was no longer the case, as now I found myself lower than them. Everything we owned was piled there half on the sidewalk, and half in the street and seemingly the entire world was now looking at us with disgust - now that’s embarrassment as its defined in my life!
How can a teenager maintain any measurable level of dignity when faced with that type of humiliation before his neighbors, friends, and enemies alike? Already fighting the battle with an abusive alcoholic stepfather, five siblings, and a mom who wasn't around much because she had to work two and sometimes three jobs just to keep our heads barely bobbing above water. I assure you it was already a struggle to find any sign of peace in my life, much less a bit of self-worth in myself.” Embarrassed doesn't even come remotely close to how I felt that afternoon and the days and years that surrounded it.
Then I returned to answer her question; "Am I embarrassed about how I live now?" Ha, I don’t think so! For the first time in my life the description of that experience had come from my lips. I couldn't believe it myself! I've harbored the resentment of that situation for over 30 years – but now it was finally out there. It was like having an evil spirit exorcised from my soul. What a sense of relief! What a sense of release! What a sense of naked vulnerability! Yet somehow, me blurting all that out, seemed to stop the back and forth action in the argument.
I went on to explain that regardless my current circumstances I couldn't see myself returning to a mindset where I would value material possessions over the things that are truly important in life. To have the freedom from the superficial concerns which had possessed me for so much of my adulthood allows me to focus on helping others in need, and it is anything but embarrassing to me. I ended the conversation, (which it had simmered down to at this point) oddly enough by telling her about the embarrassment that Jesus' disciple, Peter must have felt one fateful morning.
After a night of hiding out in his comfort zone (a fishing boat) he came swimming to shore in time to see Jesus, the risen Savior whipping up some breakfast on the beach. Peter hurries over as his eyes must be deceiving him - yet it truly was his master. Then he remembers how he had betrayed Jesus by denying he even knew that “crazy man” from Galilee but not just once - yet denial times three! Then Peter begins to feel embarrassed, after all at the supper table he boldly declared that even if he had to go it alone - he would never forsake his Lord. “Embarrassed” is defined in Peter’s life by this moment. Left feeling stripped naked (not in front of the whole world) but rather before the one that came to save the world.
And here’s the good stuff; Jesus didn't say - Peter, how could you have done me that way? Or, promise me that you won’t lie to me again. Peter, tell me that you won’t deny me before others anymore. Or, Peter, don’t try to make yourself appear to be stronger or bolder than others anymore.
No, he simply asked; Peter do you love me? Peter replied… Jesus asked again; Peter do you love me? Again Peter replied once more… A third time He asked, Peter do you love me?
Peter no longer worried about being embarrassed, for his heart was broken for he knew now Jesus had assuredly forgiven him, even though he didn't deserve it.
Embarrassed that I enthusiastically tell others of God’s amazing love and mercy, (after denying him for so long) - I doubt it!
For if your heart is full of the love, which overflows from His cup, then there’s no room for embarrassment in serving Him.
Then He said unto me, “As for the rest of the embarrassing issues in your life - you simply have to get over them. You can’t afford to maintain those kinds of distractions while serving me.” And I said earnestly in response, “Please give me the strength Lord, to continue moving forward!”
For if a man gains the entire world, yet loses his soul…I suspect the punishment will be much greater than a mere feeling of embarrassment. When you grow up with nothing quite often as an adult we over-indulge our selves with stuff to make ourselves feel better. To trick ourselves into thinking we have broken free from our past, from poverty, from our nothingness. Yet, all along we're simply allowing ourselves to be bound by something even greater in power than poverty.
Many of you have been through situations that are so much worse than mere "embarrassing" moments in your life - things I can't even imagine having to deal with. Thus I never complain about my life! I'll never compare by hurt, my problems, my experiences to what anyone else has gone through, because I know I've been blessed from birth to escape real pain, real hardships. Yet, what I learned through this situation can apply to each and every one of us, for its not based on my strength or yours, its based solely on His strength to see us through all the tough times in our lives.
Holding on to embarrassment and other such negative feelings is just another way the Enemy attacks us, and keeps us from reaching our true potential in Christ. Trust in Jesus to see you through the most trying of circumstances!
Your brother in Christ, Doug
Embarrassed!
Did she just say, embarrassed?
Have you ever noticed that sometimes during the heat, of what the self-help gurus call “a healthy discussion” (an argument where I come from) something is said that takes the whole thing to the next level?
The word embarrass is that something today.
She asked; “Doesn't the way you live your life embarrass you?”
I knew what she really meant - but before I could respond with my answer, I instinctively heard myself ask this question. What do you mean by, 'the way I live my life'?
She went on to define “embarrassed” as it relates to my life as; me driving a piece of crap car - living in a camper - working in the construction business after nearly 30 years in a management career. Then the clincher; the way you now profess to be a “Christian” after making a fool of yourself all those years telling people you weren't even sure there was a God.
Well the gloves were certainly coming off now (as they say) as it was obvious this was heating up quickly to become one of those throw-down types of arguments. I guess it was a good thing I'm one of her friends, because I would hate to be attacked by her if I were one of her enemies!
Her pause led me to believe she had emptied her clip, and was reloading - so I took advantage of the situation as any brave soldier would do by jumping in. I started to (as most "healthy discussion" participants do) unload my barrage of rocks back at her, and then I hesitated. For out of nowhere came a voice that said; you without sin cast the first stone, and so I no longer had the urge to pop her up side the head with a rock. Suddenly my entire mindset changed, and I found myself reaching deep into my heart for a civil response, and this is what came out.
“Do you want to know what it takes to embarrass me? I'll tell you! It takes being 15 years old, just getting off the school bus in the housing projects where you and your family has lived for years. You round the corner while jostling with your friends, and there standing before you is the most embarrassing moment of your life. Everything you and your family own has been thrown out onto the sidewalk in front of your apartment. Your clothes, your bed, your record collection, dishes, dirty clothes, artificial Christmas tree, everything! So, how do you as a kid handle that kind of embarrassment? How do you maintain any semblance of self-dignity when your friends and neighbors see you stripped naked before the world?”
“It was already hard enough to fool yourself into believing you had a little bit of self-dignity as it was. Especially around the kids at school (the ones that you wanted so badly to be accepted by) yet they all knew you rode the bus back and forth from the housing project. As we all know, at a drop of the hat kids have a tendency to throw that kind of stuff out there to embarrass you. Yet, you've come to grips with it and still tried to hold your head up.
Fortunately you still have the kids that rode the same bus to call your peers. They’re in the same situation - so they can relate. A band of misfits, or ‘family members’ as I now look back at them as. But on this day that was no longer the case, as now I found myself lower than them. Everything we owned was piled there half on the sidewalk, and half in the street and seemingly the entire world was now looking at us with disgust - now that’s embarrassment as its defined in my life!
How can a teenager maintain any measurable level of dignity when faced with that type of humiliation before his neighbors, friends, and enemies alike? Already fighting the battle with an abusive alcoholic stepfather, five siblings, and a mom who wasn't around much because she had to work two and sometimes three jobs just to keep our heads barely bobbing above water. I assure you it was already a struggle to find any sign of peace in my life, much less a bit of self-worth in myself.” Embarrassed doesn't even come remotely close to how I felt that afternoon and the days and years that surrounded it.
Then I returned to answer her question; "Am I embarrassed about how I live now?" Ha, I don’t think so! For the first time in my life the description of that experience had come from my lips. I couldn't believe it myself! I've harbored the resentment of that situation for over 30 years – but now it was finally out there. It was like having an evil spirit exorcised from my soul. What a sense of relief! What a sense of release! What a sense of naked vulnerability! Yet somehow, me blurting all that out, seemed to stop the back and forth action in the argument.
I went on to explain that regardless my current circumstances I couldn't see myself returning to a mindset where I would value material possessions over the things that are truly important in life. To have the freedom from the superficial concerns which had possessed me for so much of my adulthood allows me to focus on helping others in need, and it is anything but embarrassing to me. I ended the conversation, (which it had simmered down to at this point) oddly enough by telling her about the embarrassment that Jesus' disciple, Peter must have felt one fateful morning.
After a night of hiding out in his comfort zone (a fishing boat) he came swimming to shore in time to see Jesus, the risen Savior whipping up some breakfast on the beach. Peter hurries over as his eyes must be deceiving him - yet it truly was his master. Then he remembers how he had betrayed Jesus by denying he even knew that “crazy man” from Galilee but not just once - yet denial times three! Then Peter begins to feel embarrassed, after all at the supper table he boldly declared that even if he had to go it alone - he would never forsake his Lord. “Embarrassed” is defined in Peter’s life by this moment. Left feeling stripped naked (not in front of the whole world) but rather before the one that came to save the world.
And here’s the good stuff; Jesus didn't say - Peter, how could you have done me that way? Or, promise me that you won’t lie to me again. Peter, tell me that you won’t deny me before others anymore. Or, Peter, don’t try to make yourself appear to be stronger or bolder than others anymore.
No, he simply asked; Peter do you love me? Peter replied… Jesus asked again; Peter do you love me? Again Peter replied once more… A third time He asked, Peter do you love me?
Peter no longer worried about being embarrassed, for his heart was broken for he knew now Jesus had assuredly forgiven him, even though he didn't deserve it.
Embarrassed that I enthusiastically tell others of God’s amazing love and mercy, (after denying him for so long) - I doubt it!
For if your heart is full of the love, which overflows from His cup, then there’s no room for embarrassment in serving Him.
Then He said unto me, “As for the rest of the embarrassing issues in your life - you simply have to get over them. You can’t afford to maintain those kinds of distractions while serving me.” And I said earnestly in response, “Please give me the strength Lord, to continue moving forward!”
For if a man gains the entire world, yet loses his soul…I suspect the punishment will be much greater than a mere feeling of embarrassment. When you grow up with nothing quite often as an adult we over-indulge our selves with stuff to make ourselves feel better. To trick ourselves into thinking we have broken free from our past, from poverty, from our nothingness. Yet, all along we're simply allowing ourselves to be bound by something even greater in power than poverty.
Many of you have been through situations that are so much worse than mere "embarrassing" moments in your life - things I can't even imagine having to deal with. Thus I never complain about my life! I'll never compare by hurt, my problems, my experiences to what anyone else has gone through, because I know I've been blessed from birth to escape real pain, real hardships. Yet, what I learned through this situation can apply to each and every one of us, for its not based on my strength or yours, its based solely on His strength to see us through all the tough times in our lives.
Holding on to embarrassment and other such negative feelings is just another way the Enemy attacks us, and keeps us from reaching our true potential in Christ. Trust in Jesus to see you through the most trying of circumstances!
Your brother in Christ, Doug
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