REAL (originally written in 1983)

The other day I discovered a long lost copy of some of my early writings - this item being the oldest.  It was printed in the United Methodist Church weekly bulletin in Knoxville, Tennessee in 1983, the week after I moved to Nashville to start a new job in June of that year.  About eight years ago I included it in my book entitled; A View from the Fence. (A story for another time.)   It's interesting to see how my ideas have changed somewhat over the past 30 plus years, yet in so many ways they're still grounded in the same truths I knew way back then.   It's been quite a journey since I scribbled these thoughts - quite a journey indeed.      The original version was included in a thank you letter to all my friends in the church that I was leaving behind - those that had showed me on a daily basis what it truly meant to be Real.                                               

 “Real”

The lamp of the body is the eye.  If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.  If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness.        Matthew 6:22-23

"If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness."    Wow, now how deep is that one!  So often we forget about the enormous philosophical overtures of the biblical scriptures, and only see the theological aspect of them, but sometimes sentences such as this just seems to scream out to us.  For the most part the writers of the scriptures as we read it today weren't known as the great thinkers of their day, they were more commonly known as, the great believers  but boy, some of their stuff is really really deep! That's really where the God inspired thing shows its validity if you ask me.  Man can't duplicate what God created. 

  

You may think what I am about to admit seems a bit shallow, (especially compared to the words of Jesus we just read) but what the heck.  My favorite book of all time is the children’s tale, The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams! Now I suspect, unless you have a small child, grandchildren, or work in a daycare center it’s probably a safe bet to say you haven’t read this story in quite a while.   Me, I’ve read it numerous times over the years.   A simple book, with lots of big pictures which is right down my alley! 

Actually, at the heart of the message from the Velveteen Rabbit is a moral which is much more geared for the grown up in spirit, than the small children we often read it to.  An adult level comprehension finds a meaning in the story that a child simply can’t understand.  I suggest if you haven’t read it lately, do so because it’s a tale for all ages. In the mean time I will paraphrase the jest of the Ms. Williams’ wonderful tale for us.

The boy, (whose name, by the way is never mentioned) gets a fat, bunchy, brown and white spotted velveteen rabbit for Christmas one year.   For almost two hours the boy loved and played with his rabbit, but in the excitement of the day, and the fun he had playing with his many gifts he soon forgot about ol’ mister rabbit.    Then we find the velveteen rabbit, (whose name, also is never mentioned) gets tossed in the boy’s room among his other toys that evening.

The rabbit began to feel out of place almost immediately, as the more expensive toys openly snubbed him.  (Ever been the new kid on the block? I certainly have!)  The only one that was kind to him was a cloth rocking horse that had lived in the boy’s room longer than any of the other toys.   After overhearing a conversation between a few of the other toys the rabbit asked the horse “What is real?”   The cloth horse caught off guard by the question, thought for a minute, and then responded.  

Real; well real is not about what you’re made of, or even how you’re made.  It doesn’t have anything to do with the fancy things you can do, or even what you’re able to say.

Real is something that happens to you over a long period of time, and it doesn’t come easy.  

Generally by the time you become real most of your hair has been loved off, and you begin to look pretty shabby.  Often you end up with a few loose stitches, a hand or ear that has had to be sewn back on, and you’re probably missing a bow, a shoe, or maybe even an eye that has popped out. 

The rocking horse finished by saying; “But you want to know the best part about becoming real, the best part is that it can never be taken away from you, because once you’re real it lasts for always.” 

The velveteen rabbit sat there overcome with sadness at the thought of it taking so long, and possibly very painful just to become real.  

Over time the boy grew very fond of his new toy, and soon they became inseparable.  After awhile the velveteen rabbit began to show signs of such an intimate relationship, (just as the horse had predicted years earlier).   Stains, rubbed off fur, loose stitches, missing ear, he had it all.  Then one day in defense of the rabbit (as it was suggested the rabbit be thrown away) the boy exclaimed to his nanny; My rabbit isn't a dirty worn out toy, “He's real!”  

Hearing those words made the rabbit so happy, and very proud, for now he was finally Real.

  

[Real, what a wonderful presence of existence, yet sadly some of us never make it to that point in our lives.   We end up spending most of our time pretending to be real, but deep down we never allow ourselves to be loved in a manner that's transforming at all.  We boast of being real, yet honestly we would rather not be real as to have our hair messed up, or risk the possibility of being hurt.   We live our lives everyday in fear that we will be hugged one too many times, and our stuffing will be exposed for the whole world to see.  The risk of ridicule and criticism is too great to chance, so we continue to live at an arms-distance away, pretending to be something we’re not.  All the while in our heart of hearts we know how we live isn't real at all, but it's safe, and living safely can become addictive. Living a life that is real is risky business.]

Whew, where did that come from?   Anyway, back to the children’s story…

Later, the boy developed Scarlet Fever and the doctor insisted the family destroy all of his toys, and bedding from his room in order to eliminate the bacteria from lingering,  (this is obviously the toughest part of the book to explain to the child while reading).  

As the rabbit sat outside with the pile of the other things to be burned he thought, “What good does it do to become real if this is how things are going to end up anyway?  And then, right at that very moment a tear began to roll down his furry little cheek.  A real tear, and from this tear he began to be transformed into a real bunny.  The other toys looked on in amazement as he hopped away into the woods and was saved.  Hurrah he thought, the old cloth rocking horse was right, real does exist, but then he became saddened at the thought of those toys, (some friends, and some that chose not to be) still lying there in the pile to be burned.  He wished somehow he could save them, each and every one, regardless how they felt about him.   

Later on, once the boy had fully recovered, he was outside playing again in the backyard when the rabbit, his rabbit, hopped out of the nearby woods and the two had a wonderful time playing together all day long.

Many a life has been wasted trying to disprove Jesus was in fact a real person – that he truly existed as a living, air-breathing being in the history of mankind.  Yet, many of those so-called researchers never reach a point where they can admit the truth that Jesus’ realness isn't merely proven in his physical existence, (which certainly exists) but also in the message of his words, and the example he gave through the recorded life he lived. 

Matthew 5:39-41, the lesson about turning the other cheek, - Luke 10:30-35, the good Samaritan story, - Mark 12:13-17 render unto Caesar which is Caesar’s, - Luke 16:1-8 the shrewd master parable, - Mark 10:31 the first will be last, warning, - Matthew 20:1-15, the instructions to love your enemies, (and my personal favorite) Matthew 20:1-15 the vineyard laborer story, where Jesus taught us the vitally important lessons of focusing on our own relationship with God, and not on our fellow man.

Seventy-three of the so-called greatest biblical scholars (from the Jesus Seminar Conferences) of our generation all agreed, without reservation that these scriptures, and many more came directly from the teachings from a man known as Jesus of Nazareth.   I don’t know about you, but this sure passes the smell test for me, so I declare, He is “Real”!

No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.  Each tree is recognized by its own fruit.  People do not pick figs from a thorn-bush, or grapes from the briers.  The good man brings good things out of the good that is stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil stored in his heart.  For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks.  Luke 6:43-45  Speaking / living out the language of realness, that was the message He shared, the same message mankind needs to hear today!

Us, with our re-sewn seams, repaired appendages, balding cover, and visible stuffing.   He, with his nailed-scarred hands, spear pierced side, and shredded forehead, - all signs of the wear and tear from the pathway to realness.   Us, from accepting (all too often reluctantly) the transforming type of love we truly need, and His from the rejection of those that feared He was actually who they said He was.  

What's so remarkable though, is the undeniable impact that this single man from some two thousand years ago, (in such a remote part of the world) has had on the lives of all those that have heard his name ever since.

Through, the love and admiration of so many millions of people throughout the world today- maintains the realness of the one we call Jesus, yet without it He would still be just as real.  We can only hope to ever achieve a speck of His type of realness in our own lives, which is exactly why we must strive to be more Jesus-like every day. 

Thanks to the wonderful story from Margery Williams we have a great reminder of the impact our love for each other can have, but just as importantly we also learn the hard truth about the distance between being real and otherwise - at least that's my take on it!  Being real means living a life that is anything but safe! To be real we must be willing to offer ourselves up for the possibility of being hurt or even killed for someone else - someone that very possibly would not do the same for you or me.  We must expose our vulnerabilities to others and have faith it will be okay in the end.  

Despite the skepticism of some scholars, I personally believe it is still Jesus today who reminds us to; “love your neighbor as you love yourself” and for me, that becomes a very big step on the road to becoming “Real” in my own life. How we love ourselves is fairly obvious, and how we love others becomes just as obvious to those around us.

(This ending is from the 1983 letter) I want to say a heartfelt thank you to all my friends I now leave behind in pursuit of a new beginning in Nashville.  I take with me all the lessons learned from the times we've spent together - leaning on each other, loving on each other, and most importantly, holding each other accountable - accountable to the quest of realness. 

With great love, His love, your servant for life, doug

JUST BENEATH THE SURFACE

Jennifer and Amanda had been best friends since grade school but there has always been a bit of jealousy and resentment between them.  Jennifer hated the way the boys always showed Amanda more attention than her and Amanda has, as long as she could remember, always despised the way Jennifer would kind of ignore her if Kelli was around.   Neither girl had any clue about the other’s resentment.  Petty stuff between school kids yes, but as the two became adults the fallout from their unresolved resentment of certain things toward each other took its toll on the relationship. 

As they grew older and moved from grade school to high school the list of things they resented about each other grew longer and longer, yet they were all still pretty much just petty issues in the big scheme of life.  Teenagers don’t often have a big scheme of things perspective about life, though you’ll never convince them of that. Sadly, over time they grew apart and eventually stopped talking to each other all together.  Oh sure, they still consider each other a close friend, but the potential their relationship had in the beginning is now lost. 

The problem really isn’t the issues they have with each other or even the jealousy and resentment it brought about, it is the fact the girls are unable to resolve their differences because they allow it to continue to lay just beneath the surface rather than address it.   Neither girl wants to do or say anything to hurt the other’s feelings. Both treasured their friendship enough they would never do anything to cause a riff between them, yet neither one understands their unresolved resentment was doing exactly that all along.  

Let me ask you; How many relationships have you had in your past that ended unfulfilled because of a jealousy or resentment issue, either on your part or theirs?  I suspect the truth is we’ve all had a few too many, even if it was just one!  Marriages end every day because of it, but in the legal world they call it irreconcilable differences. Sometimes relationships end, or never really begin and we have no clue as to why. Quite often its’ because of some issue that went unresolved by one or both parties.  

What often seems like such a small issue, not really worthy of our time and attention, can lead to a major erosion of something much bigger.  In the case of Jennifer and Amanda, what seemed too petty to risk the possibility of damaging their treasured relationship, ended up killing off their friendship altogether.  At times it’s something much bigger though, the hurt or wrong isn't petty, it’s deeply felt.  Those are the ones that become the toughest to reconcile within ourselves, much less with the offender.  

A long, long time ago I went to tech school to get an Associate Degree in Business Data Processing. It was back before the personal computer was invented – that long ago.  I still remember how much I loved my favorite class, Flow-charting.  Most of you know what flow-charting is, but if that term is new to you, here is a simple explanation.  It’s an effort to trace all of the affects a particular item has on everything around it. Which if you’re writing computer programs that process becomes vitally important.  Now, I admit you have to be pretty strange to love flow-charting, but it was right down my ally.  I've always been fascinated to see how the cause and affect process is so vivid in our everyday circumstances.  Strange – yep, that’s me!

A very common use of a flow-chart is probably something we've all looked at from time to time and didn't even see it as being a flow-chart - an organizational chart at the business you work.   Most companies have one, it’s usually strategically placed where everyone can be visually reminded exactly where they fit in and just how higher up the ladder your bosses are than you. 

Organizational charts almost always are the same regardless the company you work for in America.  They usually have the CEO or President at the top, then on the next level it’ll have far too many Vice-Presidents, then below them is a bunch of executive managers that do very little except day dream of a day when they get to move up to a VP position.  The flow-charting continues all the way down until it gets to the bottom line, which is usually the people that actually get the work done that pays the salaries and bonuses for all those positions above their level on the organizational chart.  Ten chiefs for every Indian, as the old saying goes!  I love the Japanese version of the organizational chart; it’s an upside down version of the American one.  The real workers are at the top instead of the bottom, and it goes all the way down until you get to the last line where the Big Cheese is listed.  I’m pretty sure their pay structure is the same as here in America though, but at least on paper it looks really good. Anyway back to my point about flow-charting.

The reason I brought up flow-charting is this, just beneath the surface of an issue such as hurt or anger is always another issue that is tied to it, such as resentment or un-forgiveness, etc.  What I’m learning more and more by examining my own life is; regardless the issue I find that I have, there are always parasite issues attached to it and they all need to be resolved, not just the one on the surface.  I’ve found I can’t address an issue of un-forgiveness without tracing it back to where it originated, and usually that’s where I’ll find another issue that needs to be resolved as well.   It’s a hard process, but I’m really trying!  I’m sincerely asking the Holy Spirit to open my eyes to these issues so I can grow as a person and stop doing damage to myself and those around me.   I’m pretty sure I’ll never get finished but I know it’s imperative to subject myself to this process.  I admit, I hate it when God shines his flashlight on an issue in my life that I’m not ready to deal with.  It’s like ugggh; can’t I just let that one go for a while, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but God sees the big picture.  He knows what our flow-chart looks like and He understands how the things that look insignificant to us are always connected to something much more damaging to our overall well-being.

Resentment, hurt, bitterness, and un-forgiveness can eat us alive as bad as or maybe even worse than any physical disease can. Just as it is with cancer or some other disease, the longer it is left unattended to develop and grow and attach itself beneath the surface, the harder it is to eradicate.  

Some of us harbor resentment toward God for things in our past.  How could he allow my precious baby to die?  How could he allow the only woman I’ve ever loved to leave me for another man?   How could he allow our house to burn to the ground, or our business to fail, or my elderly mom or dad to suffer the way they are?  Some resentment comes from hurt and pain that is anything but petty!  So how do we reconcile those issues?  Where’s the flowchart for that kind of pain or problem?  How do I forgive that level of hurt or mistrust?  The answer is always the same – Jesus!  We'll never understand everything that happens to us in life, but we know this; we can trust Jesus to be there with us while we're dealing with it if we only ask. 

Recently I was reminded once again just how brief life here on earth is, and just how unpredictable our future can be.  Carrying around baggage like resentment, bitterness, un-forgiveness adds so much stress to our lives and certainly reduces the amount of time we have to enjoy this life to the fullness.  When you think about it, the amounts of damage and pain we unintentionally inflict on our bodies and minds physically, mentally, and emotionally are unreal!  

I’m convinced this is the kind of STUFF Jesus is referring to when he says; Come all who are burdened and heavy laden, I will give you rest.  Place My yoke upon you, for it is light.   We have to be willing at some point in our lives to lay it all down and resist the urge to pick it back up again!  We must walk away – walk in the direction of the light and away from the darkness. He will rescue us – He will show us how to forgive, where to find strength, peace and comfort in times of grief, turmoil, strife, and chaos.  I ask you; what is it that we suffer that Jesus hasn’t suffered as well? 

 I’m praying for all the Jennifers and Amandas out there, struggling with the resentment and un-forgiveness laying just beneath the surface of their lives. doug

Little Things

Over the past couple weeks I've been trying to get back into the routine of walking each day for exercise.  Actually, it's kind of a stretch for me to use the phrase, "back into the routine" as it’s been about eight years since I last walked routinely.  So it’s more like, I’m beginning to walk - just taking baby steps at first.  To my wife's surprise I was able to begin with a mile each morning.  For a guy my size, age, and serious knee issues that’s not too shabby, or at least that’s what I told myself the first day.  This week I've been stretching it out a bit more and who knows, I may actually start getting in a serious workout before the summer is over.   I knew I had to start out "little" or else I would probably be setting myself up for a big failure – heart failure more than likely.

About the only safe area away from traffic in my neck of the woods is the expansive Oak Hill Cemetery which sprawls across a hillside area of Oneonta and creeps right up to our property line out back.  I merely have to head out in the direction of the dead and then walk until my legs give out.  Fortunately, the cemetery has lots of paved roads running through it, so there’s plenty of opportunity to walk unimpeded.  I love to get out early, just as the sun is clearing the hillside and the fog is beginning to lift from the ground.  It makes for such a serene stroll even though I still consider it to be exercise. 

As I started making this trek each morning I began to look at the names on the headstones to see how many are connected to those I know living now in our community.  Most are familiar family names, but a few must have died out over the years or were transients, as I don’t know of any Donahoos or Falterlys around here.   

Speaking of little things, while looking at these gravestone markers I was reminded of a bluegrass song about the smallest thing engraved on each of them, that little dash - or The Line in Between Big Dave Evans sings about.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEdUsWUE7-E

As you know, that dash represents the entirety of a person’s lifespan.  The “born” date and the “died” date and that little dash in between, "the line in between is about all we have left, from the time we're born we'll answer with death."  All of us, both big and tall, small and petite - the important ones and the ones considered to be insignificant, we'll all answer with death at some point, in some way.  When it happens that little, almost unnoticeable dash will be all that's left behind to tell the story of who we were.

Or will it be?

The other morning, after a big storm had blown through the night before, I stopped my so-called exercise program long enough to pick up some of the many wind-blown bunches of artificial flowers and tried to match them back up with the graveside vases they belonged.  For whatever reason it seemed important for me to do, even though I could have easily justified ignoring them.  I figured someone had taken the time and effort to place the flowers on the grave of their beloved and it just didn't seem right they were now scattered across the ground and roadways to be driven over or tossed away.  It was just a little thing, but to me it was important!

Recently I was at a fundraising event for a non-profit organization ( K.A.R.M. - http://karm.org/ ) which I've been a part of for about 12 years now.  It’s located where I call “back home” or about four hours away from my home today.  I love going back to serve alongside the many friends I have in this organization.   Years ago when I first felt the need to serve others I tried to get in as a volunteer around the holidays, you know the times when you hear so much about all the help their type of program provides the needy.  Disappointingly, my offer to volunteer to help feed the homeless a Thanksgiving meal was rejected, as I was told they already had plenty of help.  Instead of getting angry or bitter toward the organization and taking my offer elsewhere I decided to take a different approach.  I waited until after the holidays and once again volunteered to help. Bingo! I was told they needed help in the Men's Check-in area at night. The duties as explained over the phone sounded pretty simple, so I said; that sounds great I'll be there tonight!  Great, that was until my feet actually hit the second floor of the main building and found there were about 300-350 men staying there every night.    This was a much bigger program than I anticipated, and it turned out to be a bit more work as well, but I loved every minute of it!  As time went forward I volunteered in may other areas of their organization as well, anywhere needed and especially with the little things. 

Interestingly enough, there are no qualifications or standards the guests have to meet before they can spend the night, or eat a meal. No fighting or loud cussing, and absolutely no drugs or alcohol in the building but other than that, it's a, come on in if you have a need type of environment.  I really liked that back then, and still today consider it to be the main reason I love to help them serve.  It reminds me of all the things Jesus taught and did.  

During this most recent fundraiser I unexpectedly was asked to do an interview with one of the TV crews covering the event.  Me of all people, go figure!   The reporter seemed like a really nice guy and I enjoyed talking with him for about a half hour or so as he followed me around as I went about my duties.  He was particularly interested in knowing why a person like me would be willing to drive an eight hour round trip to come serve in a capacity many would see as being insignificant, the parking volunteers coordinator. I thought to myself, have you ever noticed how sometimes what seems crazy to others, may actually hold a significant importance to the person doing it.  Side-note: Coordinating a team of volunteers to park 5,000-6,000 cars in a span of about an hour and a half without incident is anything but insignificant in my opinion.

My answer to his questions as to why K.A.R.M. and why do I choose to continue to volunteer to help even though I live in a different state now was the one thing I wanted to insure got into his report, but somehow it was left out.    My response was both truthful and complete as I told him; early on what I learned about K.A.R.M. was, it's an organization built on the principle of people willing to serve others, coming together to do little things that make a huge difference in someone’s life.  There are no superstars in this ministry, just a bunch of normal people like me and you, doing all these little things every day that has made a big impact in the community, and especially in the lives of those in need.

You can see the interview here if you like.  https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=733836459990925

I suspect you, like I have met many people over the years with really big visions of having large ministries or missions throughout the world.  Their visions and insights as to the impact they will have is both impressive and greater than many of us think possible.   I love listening to BIG dreams, don’t you?  It causes a stirring inside me when I hear someone talking about the huge impact they will have in some area of society.  But, what I've learned over the years is this; not everyone is made for, or gifted to be a part of a large ministry.  It’s my belief that some of us are actually called simply to do little things, but do them in a way, and do them often enough that it has a big impact in the lives of others.  Yet, most certainly do them without expecting anything in return!  I hate the phrase, "paying it forward" as if someday, someone will do something nice for us and we'll somehow feel as if we have earned their kindness already.  YUK!  The concept of Paying it forward has no place in the Christian mindset and I believe we need to stop teaching it! Whew, I got a little off track there for a minute, now where was I?   Oh yeah.....

Little things, such as giving someone a place to sleep at night, a hot meal when they need it, or it may be something small like mowing someone’s yard or baking a neighbor a cake.  Even a smile, a prayer, a handshake, or my very favorite - a good old fashion up-in-your-space hug can be a little thing that provides a large amount of joy in a person's life.  There are so many little things we can do every day that has the potential to make a big difference, if only we make the smallest of effort.

That dash, or line in between I was referring to earlier doesn't have to be the only thing that represents our lives after we’re gone.  We can be remembered for all the small things we did for others without ever expecting anything in return.  Jesus told about a man that did exactly that for a dude battered and lying in a ditch whom his own people had walked by and ignored.  This Good Samaritan fellow went the extra mile in every sense of the way to help a stranger that under normal circumstances would have despised him simply because of his nationality.  He even went as far as to return a week later to see if he needed to pay the innkeeper more money for any additional cost incurred by the wounded stranger.  That was an amazing story of servant-hood for that region, in those times, for those people.  Sadly enough, I suspect it still could be seen by many today as going a bit too far to help someone of a different skin color, nationality, or religious beliefs, etc. I firmly believe Jesus told that parable for us today just as much as he told it to those listening to his voice some 2000 years ago.

Later He said; what you do for the least of these, you also have done for me.  I believe that's a calling for each and every one of us to minister to the needs of those less fortunate!

Little things sometimes add up to big things when they’re done in love - when their done without strings attached.  I love doing little things whether they’re four hours away, or right here in the cemetery behind our house, because I know it’s something He has called me to do, and more importantly He is expecting me to do. The little things most certainly do matter, especially in a world where too many people look out for Ol' Number One far too often!  doug

Notice that little dash in the sign below - it's seems pretty big if you ask me!

    

It Ain't the Shoes

About a hundred years ago, when I was a mere 13 year old lad, I had a friend named Charles Ray who had a part-time job cleaning Christenberry Junior High School during the summer months.   Charles was pretty cool about letting me and some friends come in and shoot hoops in the gym while he was working.   He wouldn’t let us get on the gym floor with shoes, but we were allowed to play in our socks or bare feet.  On one of the trips through the side door of the boys locker room I spotted a pair of used, black canvas, Converse All-Star, Chuck Taylor signature tennis shoes in a pile of left over stuff that he had cleaned out of the lockers.   There were all kinds of sweaty, nasty, stinky things in the pile, mostly stuff I wouldn’t have touched no matter what, but those black Chuck Taylors I grabbed up immediately and looked them over.  They were at least two sizes too small for me, but when Charles said I could have them if I wanted, I didn’t hesitate for a second.

Up until that point in my life the only tennis shoes I had ever owned either came from Kmart or from the Dollar Store, the kind other kids called “buds”, or “buddies.”    I never understood why they were called that, but trust me I heard it a lot throughout my school days.   So to me, this pair of nearly worn out, way too small, black Converse were a big step up from the “buddies” I had been sporting around in for years.   I gladly squeezed my feet into them every day for what seemed like forever.   I remember heading back to school in the fall and being scared to death that some kid was going to come up and demand his old shoes back or would threaten to punch my lights out.   I just knew it was going to happen, and there would be a huge crowd of kids around when it did.   I would forever be known as the “buddies” guy that got caught stealing a used pair of real tennis shoes and had to walk home from school barefooted.   I made up, and rehearsed several versions of truths and fiction as to how I came about wearing somebody’s missing shoes, just in case.  Fortunately for me, the boy must have moved up to high school the next year or his family moved away over the summer, or something because I was never confronted with that scenario.    Whew……thank you Jesus!

I wore those shoes until they literally fell apart, and when I say; “literally fell apart” there’s not an ounce of exaggeration in it.   I remember using several rolls of black electrical tape over the next year trying to hold the soles and the canvas together.  I can recall even today the distinctive squeaking sound the tape and separated parts of the shoes made when I walked the hallowed hallways of CJHS.  I did everything I could to keep the noise down, so as to prevent other kids and teachers from looking down at my shoes.  Eventually, when the tape would wear out it looked like the back of my shoes had a big mouth flapping open then closed as I walked.  I was laughed at over and over for those shoes as time went on, but despite the ridicule it was still more acceptable to me than hearing all the cracks about wearing “buds.”  Now that I look back at the situation, it’s so sad I thought that way. 

So what dredged all that up from such a distant past?

I started a walking routine this week to help with my weight loss efforts, but before I could get started I had to buy a pair of shoes suitable for walking.   I ended up buying a pair of black Nikes for less than fifty bucks.   They were the cheapest pair available at the only sporting goods store in Oneonta.   Apparently black tennis shoes aren’t a big seller for the summer months, so they reduce the price so old farts like me would be enticed into buying them.   Truthfully, I’ve liked black tennis shoes since I saw Larry Bird wear them back in the day.  Somehow they made him look really slow, right up to the time he would blow by the defenders and stuffed it in their face.   Then, I guess he no longer appeared so slow to them.  It was the shoes that fooled them! 

No self-respecting kid today would ever dream of wearing a pair of worn out, torn up, too small, black Chuck Taylors, much less ever imagine that somehow they could make them feel better about themselves - but back in 1971 they did exactly that for me.    I suspect nowadays if a pair of tennis shoes cost less than $160 they’re probably the ones the kids consider to be whatever the term for “buddies” is today.  

My son fell in love with Air Jordan tennis shoes when they first came out, but I never could afford to buy them for him.  Well, actually the real truth is, I never could convince myself spending that much on a pair of tennis shoes he would out grow in a year made any sense.  I think his grandparents bought him a pair once, and then his next pair came after he began working a part time job while in high school.   Do you remember all the commercials in the 90’s where Spike Lee, dressed up as a four-eyed nerd, kept telling us why Michael Jordan had such mad basketball skills; “It’s got to be the shoes”?   Looking back on that time now, my son was a much happier kid wearing those shoes versus the off brands I always bought him.  If I could do things over again, I think I would keep him in the nicest pair of Air Jordan’s I could afford every year.  More importantly, I would lead him to Christ, instead of away from Him.

I suspect we all have things in our lives that somehow increases our self-esteem.  Whether it’s our car, our house, our job, our standing in the community, our country club membership, our church, our clothing, the “likes” we get on Facebook, or just possibly it’s the shoes… Some things never seem to radically change across the spans of time.   In every culture throughout history, mankind has looked toward something outside ourselves to make up for what we believe is missing, shoes or otherwise.

I was recently thinking about my old friend Paul from Tarsus, and how by today’s standards some people believe the Apostle had very low self-esteem.  I personally always thought the opposite was true, yet when you read his words you can kind of see both points of view:  For instance in Romans 7:18 he writes - I know that in me (which is, in my flesh,) dwells no good thing. In Ephesians 3:8 he goes on to say - I, who am less than the least of all saints, yet graced that I be allowed to preach to the Gentiles the great riches found only in Christ; and then again in 1Corinthians 15:9 he writes - For I am the least of the apostles, not deserving to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.

Here’s the one I like best though; 1Timothy 1:15 - For here is a trustworthy saying, Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.

Other times he was very self-critical of his ability to preach and to get his message across in person.  He apologized for what appeared to be his trembling and stammering in front of a congregation.   He also seemed to readily accept and maybe even embraced the notion that somehow he was deserving of his imprisonments.  Low self-esteem, possibly?  That may explain why he wrote so boldly to the churches when he was away from them.   He may have seen it easier to sell the notion of authority in his message through writings rather than deliver it in person where he would possibly face direct challenges from the hearers.  

Yet, in 2nd Corinthians 3:4-5 he writes “And such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.”   And in Philippians 4:13 he wrote; “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”   Then in Acts 20:24 he sets it all straight by making this point:  “But I don't place any value on my own life. I want to finish the race I'm running. I want to carry out the mission I received from the Lord Jesus-the mission of testifying to the Good News of God's kindness.”

For me, here is the defining scripture about Paul’s recognition of who he was, and what true value his life had.       Philippians 3:8 - Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.

I totally agree with Paul’s teachings; when we try to find self-worth, (or self-esteem as some might call it), in anything other than our service to our Maker, whether it be in a worn out pair of Chuck Taylors, or a slick looking Mercedes Benz convertible (which I would love to own) it’s all very superficial, or garbage as he plainly states.  It may fool others, and may even fool ourselves for a short time, but in the end it won’t last long and we’ll begin to look elsewhere for what we believe is missing in our lives.   My advice to you, and to myself is this; when we get to a point in our lives we’re searching for our own self-worth, we need only to run to Jesus as hard and as fast as our taped up shoes will carry us. 

As Peter so eloquently put it in response to Jesus’ question; ”Master, where would we go, only you have words that give life!”   We must come to the same understanding – we are nothing without Christ.  The gospel of Jesus isn’t about getting a pair of free tennis shoes (or anything else man-made) to make us feel better about ourselves – NO, it offers us Him, and through Him we can have LIFE, true life.

Who knows, there may even be people in Heaven wearing “buddies” and if there are, I’m pretty sure no one is making fun of them.  doug

My Kingdom for a widow’s mite!

I know this; it is me, myself, and I that puts God in a situation where he must discipline me from time to time and I have no one to blame for the consequences of my rebellion and disobedience.  Unlike Eve, I’m not pointing a finger of blame at my spouse or at that sly ol serpent – NOPE, it’s nobody’s fault but my own -each and every time.  

What I’m “fixing” to tell you can easily be misunderstood and misinterpreted, but let me plainly say, I am not advocating anyone do things the way I do things.  I’m just trying to share something I’ve learned about myself and where I am in my personal relationship with Christ. So don’t take this as me saying, you should do like I do, because that’s not what I’m communicating here, whatsoever.

As some of you know, before I started up my two businesses I had concluded that for the rest of my life I was no longer going to live by the 10% tithe rule.  I felt it no longer applied to my life, and I just couldn’t believe that it reflected what the Holy Spirit was calling me to do.  I started really paying attention to the true lesson from the story Jesus told about the widow woman putting her two measly coins in the temple's offering plate. He explained how much more it was considered to be, because she didn't give out of her abundance, as others had done, yet rather from her heart.   I thought if the Warren Buffets and the Bill Gates of the world could vow to give 50% of their wealth away to help others then certainly I should be willing to do the same.   Why should I only give 10% when I have the potential to give so much more to do God’s work?

Now I admit, that would've made a lot more sense if I had been rich at the time.  That revelation per se` came at a time when I had been unemployed for 9 months and was drawing about $249 per week in unemployment benefits.   Not exactly the breeding ground for benevolence, wouldn't you agree?    But, I knew that I knew that I knew this was what God was calling me to do.  Dale on the other hand just kinda ignored my craziness since it seemed harmless at the time because we had NO MONEY to begin with.  I suspect she realized at that point she had married a certifiable nut job, but she has stuck with me anyway.  She did agree, it was God’s money to begin with, and not merely ours to do as we please with it.

Soon afterwards I opened my investigation business and things began to take off.  A year later I started up a second company, a bail bonding business and things really began to hop, as they say.   This was 2009 / 2010 and even though our economy was still very much in ruins, now all of a sudden that 50% thing was starting to involve REAL money.  I guess it’s one thing to let go of $50 to $200 occasionally, but forking over $500 to $2,000 at a time - that’s when things can get a bit testy in how committed we are to something.   I can honestly say through the good weeks and bad for nearly five years now, we’ve held firm to our mark at the 50% line, and because of it today our bank accounts are still very unimpressive and our lifestyle is pretty much lackluster. Not exactly the formula many use to judge success by I suppose.

Again let me state, I’m in no way advocating anyone use this as their benchmark for their own finances, it’s merely our story.  This I truly believe though; if our desire to obtain prosperity is for any reason other than to share it unselfishly with others, then our gospel is fundamentally wrong.

One Sunday morning not long after I began my business I made the decision to bond a guy out that I believed was a bit higher risk that what I was comfortable bonding.  It scared me to some degree because of what effect the potential loss would have on us, but for whatever reason I believed it was the right decision at the time.   It was a fairly large bond, so my fee was fairly large as well. As I was leaving the jail and trying to make it to church on time the thought came sweeping into my mind that I was simply going to give ALL the money I had just made to God and ask that he protects me from any loss with this bond.  That’s exactly what I did.  I put every single $100 bill in the offering plate, and it gave me a huge sense of relief.  I knew I was still responsible for the bond, but from that moment on I never worried about it again.  

Soon that took on the role as a covenant between God and me.   Whatever cash I had on me when the offering was taken up on Sunday, I gave.  Regardless if it was at our home church or one we were visiting for the first time - all our cash, every time.   A pretty simple plan to follow, huh?  

We kept giving, and God kept providing, just as His word promises. Over and over it happened – we’ve never missed a meal and have never been late paying a bill.  As the old saying goes, He out gives us time and time again.  Giving 50% of our income away including the Sunday morning cash has literally changed our lives in a very positive way.  It has given us financial freedom that I don’t believe we would have found any other way.  Dale has always been very conservative financially and I’ve always been far too liberal and through this we’ve both been able to grow quite a bit in the area of finances.  NO were not rich, YES, we still have bills to pay, and NO we don’t loan people money (so don’t even ask) LOL.  What we do, do is invest in people’s life where and when the Holy Spirit leads.  

Back to the cash deal; there have been weeks where we’ve given $3 and some weeks it was in the thousands.  Again, it sounds crazy, but it gives me such a sense of relief not to hang onto that cash on Sunday mornings.   Last year this covenant was tested pretty severely as Dale was forced to finally quit work altogether, thus further reducing her income to about half of what it was when we first met.  The state of Alabama decided they wanted an even bigger piece of the bail bonding pie and invoked additional fees and taxes.  In turn the number of bonds available to companies like mine was drastically cut and by the end of the year I had only made about a third of the revenue from bonding as I had just two years earlier.   Things got really tight as you can imagine.   

If you’re a business person you know the hard truth in the fact that regardless how much money comes in each month, there’s always a certain amount of expenses you have to cover to stay afloat - and stay afloat is about all we did the last six months of 2013.  Crazy as it sounds we still gave away 50% of what we took in, but unlike prior years the amount of cash, used cars, groceries, clothing, and number of months we paid utility bills for others became less and less.  As I learned early on in school, 50% of nothing is still nothing.  Fortunately, God gave us more than nothing last year!  He continued to provide our needs, and we continued to help others with theirs. 

2014 started out with a drastically different trend.  From New Year’s Day right up through the end of April my bail bonding business was rocking and a rolling once again.  I did as many bonds in the first 4 months of this year as I had done in the last 7 months of 2013.  What a relief it was!  Financial accountability naturally comes with a certain amount of stress regardless whether you “worry” about it or not, so to be able to have a little breathing room was a welcomed change.   

Then I did the unthinkable, I broke my covenant with God.  Even though I had not done it during any of the tough times we had seen over the past four years, for whatever reason on the last Sunday of April I did.    That day I had a pretty good amount of cash in my pocket when I got to church and I purposefully and willfully refused to give it to God because I decided I wanted to do something else with it. Seems harmless on the surface doesn't it? After all, we were still giving away 50% of everything I make, why can’t I, for once just keep this little bit of cash for something I wanted to do with it?    

What harm could that do, I thought to myself; I’ll get back on track next week and everything will be fine.  Things are going well.  I’m doing plenty of bonds. He’ll bless me with a another good week and I’ll do what I've done for four years now and everything will be fine – God doesn't care, He’s got plenty of money anyways.

"Not so fast" was the answer that came back - the month of May was the worst month I've had in business in five years.   I would’ve saved money by staying home in bed every day.  It was a financial disaster!  To go from boom to bust overnight really put things back into perspective for me.   There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think back to that Sunday morning I broke the covenant I had made with God.  If only I had not done that.  If only I had done like I had done so many Sunday’s before – good weeks and bad.  I had never once held on to what wasn't mine, but now I had.  

Regardless what anyone else thinks or whatever their interpretation of scriptures is, I know for a fact what I did was wrong for me in my situation, and the consequences were very real. 

Last Saturday morning I was drinking a cup of coffee at the beginning of the day and I thought about this whole situation again.  I told myself I would never again hold back from God what I had promised to give Him.  That very day He blessed me with a couple of bonds and all of a sudden I had quite a bit of cash in my pocket.  This next thing, I really wish I didn't have to admit, but that very same night I thought; man, I've got to get this money in the bank first thing Monday morning before our bills come due.   I decided I would put some of it in the offering (about 10% in tithes for that week) and everything else would go to paying bills, since we've been so short for a whole month now.  I couldn't even keep it together for a full day!  Yuk, I'm so easily led astray sometimes!   I hate that!   

About 4am last Sunday morning the Holy Spirit woke me up and said; put ALL of the money in the offering, just as you had promised to do.  I even envisioned myself placing the money in the envelope and putting it in the box at church.  It was so real, so unmistakable.  So, last Sunday I did just that, and then for the first time I confessed to Dale what I had done a month ago and what I had just done that morning.  As always, she was supportive and encouraged me, what a blessing her patience with me is.

I really wish I had one of those feel-good endings for this journal entry, that I could tell you how God has blessed me with a huge pile of money this week, but that would not be true.  It’s been a good week, but not one of those really good weeks we've had in the past.  Nevertheless, its been one in which I know He has provided everything we've received and needed.  God has certainly blessed us again and again as He always has, and I can say once again; we haven’t missed a meal or a bill.  I'll continue to keep my head down, work hard, listen to the Holy Spirit and give God the praise and the glory for all that He is doing!

Here's the lesson in all of this:  Making a covenant with God in any area of our lives is a very serious commitment.  Whether its with our finances, time, talent, giving up an addiction, or whatever it might be - we must take it very serious, God does! Now, I’m not talking about one of those early-morning, porcelain-hugging hang overs where you promise God if he’ll just stop the puking you will never drink again, or at least not until the weekend.  

No, I’m talking about making a real commitment to Him in an area of our lives where we know for a fact He is either calling us out of something old or calling us into something new.  One of those life-changing commitments that we know in our spirit you and God are in agreement.   I found out, when you break that type of covenant, as I did, regardless the reason you use as justification, there’s consequences to follow, and you have no one to blame but yourself.  As with the widow’s mites, just as it was with why Cain killed Abel, it’s never ever been about the amount you give, or really even about what it is giving - yet rather, its always been about what’s in the heart of the giver!   doug