Growing up, matches were a big NO - NO. Never should a kid be caught with a book of matches. Never. So one day my kid sister Pam and I found ourselves in possession of a book of matches. Actually, I think I found them then looked for an accomplice / scapegoat in the event I got caught. After all she was already known for picking up a cigarette butt or two to stick it her mouth, so it would be believable that she had indeed dragged me, “always the innocent one” into the crime of the century. At the ages of six and four we had no clue as to the destructive nature of matches, we just knew they were pretty cool. Over the years I've found danger often disguises itself in a cloak of coolness, haven't you? We had matches, and all we knew was, we didn’t want to get caught with them. Who knows what terrible beating would lay at the end of mom’s hickory switch if she found us to be in possession of a book of matches. No, we couldn’t take that chance, so we headed into the over-grown thicket filled land behind our house.
Notice we didn’t weigh the consequences and simply put the matches down and walk anyway from the situation. As I think about it now, for a great deal of my life that was never the course of action when temptation came my way. Simply putting down the matches and walking away from the danger just wasn't an option for me, for far too many years. Anyway....
Within a matter of minutes the field was engulfed in a raging storm of fire and two young pyromaniacs were seen running like crazy for home. It wasn't long before Sis and I were left standing alone in mom's interrogation spotlight. It didn't take long for Pam to breakdown and tell the truth, and I was left to take the beating of my young life. So as the story goes, on one summer's day in the early 1960s a fire raged out of control across two acres of Strawberry Plains Pike as well as across the backside of a mischievous little boy. I can still remember now, (so many years later) just how bad the stripes on the back of my legs felt that night as I tried to fall asleep. I mark that incident as the day I decided I would never smoke cigarettes, carry matches, or trust my sister to lie for me. Things you learn in times of trouble, even at the age of six - huh!
God led me to think about all of this a few nights ago while gazing at a beautiful lake as it was being overwhelmed by the arrival of nightfall. I was having one of those “bad” days I all too often have, and had just been arguing with my wife over something silly. I somehow found myself in possession of a small box of matches, and sat there striking one after another just to watch them burn. NO, I didn't set fire to anything! What kind of irresponsible monster do you think I am? And here's what I concluded in such a priceless time of inner-reflection. Emotions, like matches are inherently good, yet when a person carrying them around loses control and fails to act in a responsible manner they can become dangerous, and fields can get set ablaze.
Lately, more often than I care to admit, I've allowed my emotions to get the best of me. People said something about my wife that I didn't like, and I want to straighten them out the old-fashion way. Someone gets in the way of me doing the thing I believe I should be doing, and I want to cause them problems right back. The neighbor's kids play their music way too loud while I trying to watch a ballgame, and I want to get up at three in the morning and crank up my stereo outside their windows. It doesn't matter that I didn't do any of these, I thought about it – just the same. Several circumstances and people have roused my frustration level to a point where I've said and done things that I quickly regret. I don't want to be that way.
Trust me, I don't wake up in the morning plotting how I'm going to “go off” on someone. No, I'm actually a relatively calm person but you would never know it if you've been around me the past few months, as my wife has. I suspect by now she's concluded I'm a raging idiot and just wants to throw me in the same lake I was sitting by the other night. It also seems lately that God has been placing a lot of mirrors in my life so I can see exactly what I look like when I allow my emotions to get out of control, and how unlike His Son I look in those situations. Books, sermons, etc; all filled with stories and examples of folks and stories filled with out-of-control emotions. This all seems to be falling in my lap as if He's tapping me on the side of the head, wanting to know if ol' Hard Head (as I'm affectionately known by the Father) is paying attention to the lesson He's teaching.
Recently, I was reading about two guys that allowed their emotions to get so out of control that in the end it cost them their lives. Not only theirs, but a host of innocent people got killed or had their lives seriously altered. Behind these two dudes lay a burned-out field that (even through the eyes of a six year old boy with stripes across the back of his legs) could be seen for what it was – a messed up situation. I found this story in the second Book of Samuel where Abner and Joab serve as good examples as to how things can get very ugly in a hurry when we lose control of our emotions. Though most of you already know the story, I'll recap my version of it anyway - one of the benefits of being on the writing end of this relationship.
As you may recall, Abner and Joab were two of the highest ranking and most revered military leaders of their day. Joab in David's kingdom, and Abner in Saul's. Though their respective Kings had issues with each other, Abner and Joab actually had a great deal of respect for each other, that is until.... Pushed into a situation he didn't want, Abner ended up killing Joab's brother, and that's where things began to get out of control for the two. Joab swore to avenge his brother's death and pursued Abner and his soldiers relentlessly. Many a good man was killed from both camps, but the two leaders never found themselves in personal engagement. After a long and tiring time of back and forth battles the two armies resolved to go home and take a break. Yet, as with all periods of peace in the Middle East it didn't last long. This, even I know, whenever someone is carrying around a book of matches there's always the possibility of a fire breaking out, even in a small and peaceful looking field out back of the house.
During their time of peace one of Saul's sons made an accusation against Abner, something about him sleeping with ol' so and so and boy, did that not set well with Abner. He started feeling a bit disrespected after such a long and distinguished military and political service to his King and the more he studied on it the madder he got until finally he had a come-apart. Swearing to bring the same kingdom he had served for so many years to it's knees, he plotted his course while still fuming with anger. Ever done that? Yeah, me too. He decided he would go to his enemy's camp and volunteer his services to help bring all of the lands of Israel under King David's rule. Guess what, David was all for this! Joab, not so much! He wasn't too excited about having to share the military spotlight with the same man that had killed his brother years earlier. So as jealousy, anger, and insecurity often manifest itself, Joab lost control of his emotions and took action. He quickly ambushed Abner and killed him, and this really didn't go over well with David. Just as he finally had all the pieces of the puzzle in place to begin the expansion of his kingdom, Joab goes and ruins everything with a senseless and undignified murdering of Abner.
Soon, Joab found himself under the King's curse, but because of political reasons David didn't have him killed or imprisoned as one would expect. Yet, if you fast-forward forty years into the future of Israel's history (1st Kings 2:6) you'll see that all was not forgotten of this incident. King David, while handing over control of Israel to Solomon made him pledge to deal with Joab for the killing of Abner. Doing as he promised, Solomon had his men track down the gray-haired Joab to kill him. Joab ran into the Lord's tent and took hold of the horns of the altar, refusing to let go and come out. The men were left with no other choice, so they killed him where he stood - and so, nearly half a century after the matches were lit, the raging fire that began with out of control emotions was finally extinguished.
The burned out fields these two men had laid waste in the land of Israel was filled to the brim with innocent blood and missed opportunities to forgive. As I suspect it is with some of our past. Ever had a time or situation where your anger or frustration has gotten the best of you and you did something you later regretted, such as trying to exercise a measure of revenge or judgment against someone that has done you wrong? Hands going up all over the room I see! Most of us are forced to answer yes to that question, but then we like to add, “We're only human, it happens to everyone.” Maybe we don't always take it to the level Joab or Abner did, but we do indeed leave fields aflame at times. Sometimes purposefully, and at others as innocent but mischievous six year olds. Matches and emotions neither one bad, yet dangerous if allowed to get out of control.
Speaking of such, let's get back to that night at the lake last week. You see, there wasn't a happy ending this night for Dale and myself as we broke the golden rule thing about not going to bed mad at each other, or at least I did. I felt completely justified in my position and fully expected she would come to her senses and see things my way. Then she would apologize and I would let her grovel a bit and then give in and forgive her. I had it all laid out, all she had to do was, well -exactly what I expected of her. Just the way it should be, “right.” Wrong! It didn't work out that way, nor should it!
What I forget sometimes, is that regardless how often we try and make it so, it's not about being right or wrong, it's about being Christ-like. The next morning I woke up early despite a restless night due to an uneasy spirit, and the first thing that popped in my head changed the entire day. Pastor Bob Bryant loves for the praise team at his church to do a fun little song right before he preaches. He requests they do it so often that he's even apologetic about it sometimes. The song goes something like “He woke me up this morning, started me on my way - give Him the glory – give Him the praise.” And there it was, the reminder I needed! How could I lay there singing that tune, even as bad as I sing, if I still had resentfulness, pride, and anger in my heart. God put me in a situation where I was forced to ask myself, would I choose to try and live a day Christ-like as possible, or would I hang on to my book of matches looking to burn something or someone to the ground. Can't do both!
Reading an item written by a friend this morning reminded me of something that I decided to include here. What Carrie-Beth was writing about was our reactions to the hurt others cause us, and then it hit me - we focus so little attention on the hurt we cause others. All too often we write about, talk about, and cry about the injustices that come our way. Rarely ever do we focus on the fires that are started with the matches we carry around in our pockets. It's so much easier to look at what has been done to us, for self-pity soothes the hurting soul. But, to take a hard look at some of the nasty, rotten things we've done to others - wow, now that really hurts. It forces us to see ourselves for who we really are, and how dependent we are on the Holy Spirit for such things as sound reasoning and mere goodness. We can't rise above the fleshly beings we are on our own, it has to come from Him.
Lighting candles on an eight year old little girl's birthday cake – a good thing. Biting the head off of your friend or spouse when they say something that irks you - not so good. Setting fire to a stack of wood in the cool morning air of a campground – good. Seeking revenge when your neighbor or co-worker does something to cause you problems – well, you get it.... And as I said earlier, all too often I struggle with this. I choose to carry around my little book of matches in the event someone ticks me off - and in every one of those situations I've been wrong. And here's the really bad part, in far too many of these situations I've failed to ask for forgiveness - something that has to change.
This morning I arise with the determination in my heart to go match-less. I pray He helps me to meet this simple but seemingly tough goal. I hope you're as fortunate as I am - to have friends that are willing to overlook my stupidity, a wife that continues to love me regardless how wrong I am at times, and a Lord that's doesn't lose hope in me even when He catches me red-handed like a six year old with a book of matches in my hand, and the field behind me blazing out of control.
Trust me, I still carry around the stripes on my legs from the whippings I so richly deserve. God forgives us for being irresponsible match users, but He doesn't fail to hold us accountable for our actions. Nevertheless, I can still hear His voice with every whipping; “now son this is going to hurt me as much as it does you.”
How 'bout you? Wanna go match-less today? Would you like to avoid an enemy's ambush - unlike Abner, the undying wrath of a King - unlike Joab, or simply the business end of a hickory switch - unlike me? I do!
So do me a favor, if you catch me carrying around a book of matches this week, “get a hickory switch after me” (as my papaw would say) - I'll deserve it. Doug
