Come on in!

About a year and a half ago Carol met Rob and it was magical, as many have said.   He seemed to be all she had been looking for in a man.  She was lonely, a single mother, simply looking for someone to share a peaceful life with.  She had lived in the same small community nearly her whole life.  Nothing exciting, just a normal kind of life as she later described.  All she had that mattered in life at the time was her daughter, dad, and her family, but what she wanted was a man’s love to fill a void she had in her heart.  So with a smile on her face and dreams of bliss in her mind, she told Rob; Come on in!

They really hit it off, and in no time were deeply serious about their relationship.   It wasn’t long though, before situations came up that Rob’s values didn’t seem to match up with Carol’s, but she was willing to go along with his way of thinking in order to keep the relationship.  After all, an imperfect relationship was still better than no relationship at all.  To his credit, Rob was a smooth talker and could make a convincing argument for just about anything he wanted to convey.  He talked Carol into letting him move in with her in order that he could help with care for her ailing father, and to spend more “fatherly” type of time with her daughter.   She welcomed the idea, as she thought he would be able to help take some of the load off of her that she had been carrying alone for such a long time.  So again she said; Come on in!

Within a few months Rob was able to somehow convince her that she should take a job dancing nude at a men’s club in order to earn money to help support her dad and daughter.  Something, she said she would have never thought to do on her own.  He  continuously told her how beautiful and sexy she was, and how it would be harmless dancing and nothing more.  No touching, no sex, nothing more than dancing without clothes on.  In a way, he made it sound very innocent.

She had been trying to find a job for quite some time, yet nothing seemed to be coming her way.  So she began to think maybe he was right, maybe this was a way to make some good money.  He settled the issue in her mind when he told her it was only going to be for a couple of months, just long enough for them to get ahead of their financial responsibilities and then she wouldn’t ever have to work again.   Rob made it all seem okay somehow, as she tearfully shared much later.

Soon, drugs entered the scene, and the next thing she knew she was being arrested late one night on her way home from the club.  According to her, she had never seen the portable Meth Kit found under the seat of her SUV.   “After all, it had never been used, and no one ever claimed to find her fingerprints on any of the items in the kit.”   She explained to the officers that the pills they also found were for legitimate medical problems, even though she didn’t have a prescription.  Regardless, she was booked into the county jail and given a hefty bond for the felony charges placed on her at the time.  She sat in her cell wondering, what in the world was happening to her life. Why was this all happening to her of all people?

Rob was quick to the rescue, as he told everyone how this must have been the work of a crooked cop trying to set her up, or a vengeful ex-husband trying to get custody of their daughter.  He declared with confidence she was completely innocent, just needing someone other than him to believe in her.  He found a bonding company willing to help, and with newly authorized access to her dad’s bank account Rob bonded her out.  Once back home her way of seeing Rob began to change as finally her eyes were beginning to be opened as to the influence he was having in her life.   She recalls that it finally clicked in her brain one day that she didn’t have all these problems before he came along, so she started trying to find a way to distance herself from him.   With a firm voice, but a scared heart, she broke the news to him, he needed to leave and she never wanted to see him again.

Unable to convince her otherwise, he left.   In turn he found a way to convince the bondsman to put her back in jail without her knowing it was him working behind the scenes to make it happen.  Rob simply wasn’t willing to let go of what he had gained or at least not without a fight to keep control over her.  He reasoned that he just needed to get her back to a point where she recognized how badly she needed and wanted him in her life.  He decided she could simply sit in jail until she could convince him she was going to do and act exactly as he wanted.   Finally she gives in and told him what he wanted to hear; Come on in again!  He quickly sprang into action and convinced another bonding company of her innocence, and mistreatment by the authorities and her previous bonding company.  A second bail bond was posted for her.

Using her dad’s only source of income (his monthly disability check) again he was able to pay the bondsman the fee, and so everything seemingly was getting back on track for the couple.  She left the jail feeling freed at last, or at least that’s what she thought at the time.  Within a month of getting her out of jail for the second time Rob asked her to marry him.  Unbelievably Carol accepts his proposal.   Wedding plans were quickly made, but before the big day arrived things turned even worse in their relationship.  After a physical altercation she tossed him out and ended the relationship, even going as far as to have him charged with assault.   So Rob in return begins to try and convince the new bondsman she was once again a high risk for skipping out, and needed to be put back in jail.  The same trick he had used before in an attempt to get her back under his control.

This bondsman didn’t fall for his pleading, but rather continued to keep close tabs on her.  Carol explained to the bondsman that she now had verifiable evidence that the Meth Kit found in her car belonged to Rob and that he had admitted to someone that it was he who had placed it in her vehicle. The bondsman was never completely convinced of any of this, but he allowed her to stay out on the bonds as long as she continued to check in weekly.

The saga continues; just a few weeks apart from Rob she found herself in the middle of another serious drug situation, which according to her was not of her doings either.  This problem seemed worse than the last as now she feared her problems were going to cause her father legal trouble as well since illegal drugs were found on his property.  She didn’t know who to turn to as she feared telling the authorities would only lead to her arrest since she already had pending drug charges.  So guess who comes to her rescue once again?  You guessed it, good ol’ Rob.

She was so grateful for his help in making everything “disappear” she had the assault charges against him dropped. Completely weakened mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from all that had happened, she told him once more; Come on in!  It was much later that she actually realized, Rob also had staged the events that led her to take him back in again, and to drop the charges against him.  Once more he had control of the situation!

Learning from his earlier mistakes, the first thing he did this time was to close the deal.  He convinced her to marry him right away, and out of fear and confusion she headed down to the courthouse with him the next day.   He had her right where he wanted her, or at least he thought - but as could be expected, turmoil arose (or merely continued) and soon the couple split up again.  Again she tried to swear out a warrant for his arrest because of another physical altercation, but the sheriff’s department suspected this was simply another flare up between the couple and that she would come back later asking that the charges be dropped, so they refused to act immediately on her request.

In a strange twist at this point Carol crosses paths with an old high school flame and a quick romance struck up while she was separated from Rob, her husband but for a few months.   This new love in her life believed her version of what had taken place, and simply wanted to help her get out of the predicament she was in.  So he, (Jim) said to her; Come on in!   Unlike Rob and Carol – Jim held an important and well paying position with a company and was doing very well for himself.   I suspect (but hope I'm wrong) she may have been so desperate for someone to rescue her from her problems that she realized she could use Jim’s innocent affection for her, as well as his bank account to get out of the mess she had created for herself.  So to Jim she says also; Come on in!

In the meantime her father’s medical condition worsens from all the stress she is adding to their lives.  As for the daughter, she apparently gets brushed aside during all of this and is left to cope with live the best a fifth grader can conger up, with only family members helping as best they could.

One obvious problem was that Rob was still in the picture, and as it seemed to be with his nature, he didn’t give up very easily.   According to Carol, after a well-planned out scheme, Rob called her to meet him in order to pick up her dad’s tools that he had been carrying around in the trunk of his car.   She said she met him in a public place without incident and took the plastic bag and headed back home.  When she gave the tools to her dad he quickly saw his pocket knife (which had been missing for about a month) was in the bag and appeared to have blood on it.  They immediately took it to the sheriff’s department and told the authorities what had taken place.  The officers told them that it would be looked into.  I suspect at this point they had growing concerns for the validity of anything she claimed.

A couple of days later, the bondsman (remember him) gets a call from an elderly woman who claimed to be a relative of Carol.  Later believed to be her grandmother.  She told him that Carol had stabbed Rob and he is having her arrested for attempted murder, and that she was getting ready to skip out with another man before the deputies got to her.   The bondsman did the sensible thing as he immediately met with her and her dad and listened to their side of the story.  After judging the risk that this growing situation posed to his company he decided to take Carol into custody, if for no other reason for her own safety.  He assured her dad that he would somehow help her get back out of jail once the situation surrounding the stabbing incident was cleared up.

 

Believe it or not, the first person that came to the jail to see if he could help her, was no other than Rob the estranged husband, and stabbing victim.  Who just the day before claimed to be in California, trying to start his life over again.  Crazy huh!  He showed up, trying to explain to anyone willing to listen as to how Carol stabbed or cut him on the arm (which was said to look like a cat’s scratch) with her dad’s pocket knife, but how he still loved her and just wanted her to get the “help” she needed for all her problems.  What a guy! 

 

Over the next couple of days her dad called anyone that would take his calls to see if there was any way to get Carol out of jail, as she was his only child and most importantly his only caretaker.  He was told to be patient and let this newest of trouble she found herself in get cleared up by the authorities.  Sadly, after only three days in jail a call came in informing her that her dad had died of a massive heart attack.

 

What a tragedy!   A family member came forth and paid to have her bond posted for a third time.  She was freed from jail the morning her dad’s body was placed in the ground.

Sixteen short months had passed since she first asked Rob to; Come on in!  Her life has been turned completely upside down to say the least.  Her family has had to scrap up tens of thousands of dollars to hand over to bail bonding companies.  Money they didn’t have to spare, and will never get back.   Her father is dead, and Carol’s innocent daughter’s life has been forever changed in a very sad way.  She still faces several pending felony charges which will lead to years or decades in prison if convicted.  Rob has yet to go away as he promised, and her high school sweetheart, Jim is still trying desperately to help her anyway he can.   What a mess!

The sad part of all this, is that it’s a true story. I changed the names, but nevertheless they are real people that I’ve come to know since I bailed her out one of the three times I mentioned. This is just my take on it as I've reached many of these conclusions from what I personally have seen and heard from the people involved in this real-life tragedy.    It’s a terribly sad story of lives being changed, if not destroyed because the wrong choice was made when the words, come on in were first spoken. 

 A year and a half of living a "normal life" has been lost that will never be recouped, by her, her daughter, her family, and especially her dad.   Is Rob to blame for all of this?  I don’t think so!  Was it her decision to ask him into her life?  Yes it was!  Was it her fault for turning a blind eye to all the red flags that began to spring up as she got to know Rob more?   Yes, indeed!  Does she, like many of us that have issues causing us to make wrong choices over and over?  Yes, that’s pretty obvious!   Did Rob recognize that and take advantage of her situation and manipulate her into inviting him into her life?  I believe so!   You see, the real truth is, that Carol has only made the same types of mistakes that some of us have made in our own past.  Yet for her, as well as some of us, those mistakes have come with terrible consequences.  

Does the Enemy of righteousness and truth attempt to do the same in our lives that Rob has done in hers?  Absolutely!   If you’re naïve to think otherwise, you may just likely find yourself going through a sixteen month disaster or two in your life as well. It’s told in the scriptures that we must always be on guard as to whom we say to; Come on in!   It warns us, that we are in a spiritual battle on the highest level, not merely against evil people but with demonic powers beyond our capability to fight alone. 


The lesson here is an obvious one; we must always be very careful when a stranger comes knocking, for it very well could be the Enemy appearing to be just the right answer to all our prayers.  I'm not just referring to a person, but it could be an opportunity, a business venture, a relationship, a form of ministry, etc.  The Enemy will stop for nothing as long as there is a chance you and I can be dubbed into inviting him into our lives.   I highly suspect Carol, (a person I truly like and wish the best for) will remember this lesson all to well in her future, whatever it turns out to look like.

On the other hand, we all know that we’re expected to leave our doors open as an invitation to help strangers and show them God’s love.  If we understand His promises correctly, we also know He has imparted to us (His true believers) the gift of discernment through the Holy Spirit.   It will be of great value for us to use this gift as He intended.   When red flags start springing up like they did early on in this story, we should consider the possibility it may very well be the Holy Spirit shining light onto a very dangerous darkness that we would be wise to avoid.

As a reminder to do so, let’s never forget the sad story that comes from the last sixteen months of Carol’s life.  Let's stay on guard for all the Rob’s of this world, who could very possibly be just around the next corner!  The Enemy waits forever patiently for an opportunity for us to say; Come on in. Never forget that!    I ask that we all pray for the real people associated with this story even though you don’t know them.  They certainly do need our prayers.   Doug