I suck at relationships!
I tried to think of a more politically correct way to convey the truth in this area, but this is about all that I could come up with that describes the fullness of the issues I have within the context of relationships.
I just suck at it - and always have!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not beating myself up - I’m just stating a fact here. But since I’m trying to keep this journal “G - rated” I’ll stick with my opening line, “I suck at relationships”.
When I say relationships, what I’m actually referring to is the type that involves intimate knowledge of each other, not just sexually - but the “getting to know the true person” types. You know, the yucky ones - all up in each other’s business 24/7type. The give and take, the 50/50 ones, the kind those smart-butt therapist tag “healthy relationships.”
See, I’m getting ill just typing about this sort of closeness. Anxiety is building up quickly, so you know it won’t be a long journal entry this week. Ok, I have to give myself a little credit to balance it out here - I’m good at “failed relationships.”
Ha, Ha,,,
What I actually mean, is that after I’ve screwed up the intimate relationships, I can usually help work it into a cordial one, given time. You know the kind – the ones that don’t require a “restraining order” type. Hey, you gotta take the successes when they come, no matter how small or insignificant. Know your limitations, I’ve always said!
Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about here. This past Saturday was the first really down time I’ve had in a couple of months. A day of “slugging around” had been planned for a week or more. We wake up to the soothing sound of rainfall on the metal roof, and just lye there for hours. We talk a bit; reminisce about the week’s activities and our plans for the future. Around 10 o’clock we get up and I fix waffles, (yeah, the frozen pop in the toaster kind) but it’s breakfast never the less, or “brunch” as I romantically referred to it.
Get dressed, head out, do a little banking together, then to the book store/record shop. The rain was still pouring down, as we hopped, skipped and jumped over the puddles in and out of shops. We then went clothes shopping – (Yeah!!!). Then Boston fern shopping, where I resisted (I stopped typing here and gave myself a pat on the back) to browse the other aisles of the home improvement store for fun stuff such as hammers and drills and what not.
Late breakfast, so a light lunch at a small café - again the rain, and again a little talk session. We grocery shopped with the emphasis on things to cook on the grill that night. Back home in time to catch some sports on the tube. Come on, it’s just a tiny bit of selfishness and then a quite evening – music – relaxation, a little one on one time. Nice!
If you’re a gal, maybe this doesn’t sound like it would be too bad of a day for you and your fellow. If you’re a guy, you’re probably thinking what a henpecked, spineless piece of flesh this dude is. Sounds like Dr. Phil’s gotten to another one of our fraternity brothers…..
Here’s the deal – this all took place between me, and the one I truly love, God. There was no woman involved - just me, and The Almighty creator of me. My Savior, my Redeemer, my Comforter, my King, my Lord, my “Everything” in life. Could I have received as much fullness in intimacy if it had been with a lady? No. Could it have been as rewarding? No. Would I prefer to have had the same experience with God and at the same time it also included a woman? Most definitely, Yes.
But the reality of it is that it was just God and I - hanging out, enjoying the rain, the experiences, and time that He shared with me. It’s hard to beat that for a “relationship building” day, huh?
This is where the problem lies so often with me though, (as was the case in relationships with women in the past) – I start taking things for granite, and more importantly I start taking the other one in the relationship for granite. I begin to lose sight of the importance that a day like Saturday has, in building a stronger bond between us. I forget to stop long enough to enjoy the rain, and needed conversations. I fail to remember the child-like pleasure in hopping over the rain puddles, instead of merely feeling sorry for myself, or being frustrated because my feet get a little wet every now and then.
I stop trying to give what I should give, and begin to mentally justify why I should get in the relationship. I totally lose focus on the important issue - which is GOD, and start looking at others (for a variety of reasons i.e.,) as a reason to be happy, or for guidance and direction, and yes even intimacy. I become unfaithful to the only one that can both promise and guarantee faithfulness to me. And here’s the “biggie” I begin to get more focused on myself, and less focused on Him. Then once, again I find myself standing at the threshold of “sucking at another relationship” which I have a haunting pattern of doing.
So how do I break this repetitive bad behavior? By doing what I know works to preserve a healthy relationship! I pray. I read the Bible. I seek His input in each decision of my life. I refocus myself upon Him each day, so that I don’t get going too far down the wrong road. And most importantly I do the one thing that if I had done in most of my failed relationships it would’ve prevented me from being labeled as “sucking at it” - I say I’m sorry when I’m wrong, and ask for forgiveness.
Then we start all over again – hand in hand, listening to the rain, talking about our plans together, and just enjoying our relationship with each other. The best part of a relationship with God is, that even if I “suck at it”, He still loves me. He doesn’t leave me. There’s no costly court proceedings to go through, (ok maybe some spitting up of property), but there’s always the opportunity to reconcile things with Him. Then He simply wipes the slate clean - no bringing up my past faults the next time I screw up – completely clean as if we had just fallen in love for the first time…
How about that?
Hey, maybe I’m getting better at this relationship stuff after all. Recognizing the right steps to take to insure success is a very big step in getting to where I need to be with this part of my life. I know, I know - it sounds too much like Dr. Phil again, but I’m sure there’s scripture to support such a notion as well.
Thanks God for loving me, even when I’m so unlovable!
Doug
I tried to think of a more politically correct way to convey the truth in this area, but this is about all that I could come up with that describes the fullness of the issues I have within the context of relationships.
I just suck at it - and always have!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not beating myself up - I’m just stating a fact here. But since I’m trying to keep this journal “G - rated” I’ll stick with my opening line, “I suck at relationships”.
When I say relationships, what I’m actually referring to is the type that involves intimate knowledge of each other, not just sexually - but the “getting to know the true person” types. You know, the yucky ones - all up in each other’s business 24/7type. The give and take, the 50/50 ones, the kind those smart-butt therapist tag “healthy relationships.”
See, I’m getting ill just typing about this sort of closeness. Anxiety is building up quickly, so you know it won’t be a long journal entry this week. Ok, I have to give myself a little credit to balance it out here - I’m good at “failed relationships.”
Ha, Ha,,,
What I actually mean, is that after I’ve screwed up the intimate relationships, I can usually help work it into a cordial one, given time. You know the kind – the ones that don’t require a “restraining order” type. Hey, you gotta take the successes when they come, no matter how small or insignificant. Know your limitations, I’ve always said!
Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about here. This past Saturday was the first really down time I’ve had in a couple of months. A day of “slugging around” had been planned for a week or more. We wake up to the soothing sound of rainfall on the metal roof, and just lye there for hours. We talk a bit; reminisce about the week’s activities and our plans for the future. Around 10 o’clock we get up and I fix waffles, (yeah, the frozen pop in the toaster kind) but it’s breakfast never the less, or “brunch” as I romantically referred to it.
Get dressed, head out, do a little banking together, then to the book store/record shop. The rain was still pouring down, as we hopped, skipped and jumped over the puddles in and out of shops. We then went clothes shopping – (Yeah!!!). Then Boston fern shopping, where I resisted (I stopped typing here and gave myself a pat on the back) to browse the other aisles of the home improvement store for fun stuff such as hammers and drills and what not.
Late breakfast, so a light lunch at a small café - again the rain, and again a little talk session. We grocery shopped with the emphasis on things to cook on the grill that night. Back home in time to catch some sports on the tube. Come on, it’s just a tiny bit of selfishness and then a quite evening – music – relaxation, a little one on one time. Nice!
If you’re a gal, maybe this doesn’t sound like it would be too bad of a day for you and your fellow. If you’re a guy, you’re probably thinking what a henpecked, spineless piece of flesh this dude is. Sounds like Dr. Phil’s gotten to another one of our fraternity brothers…..
Here’s the deal – this all took place between me, and the one I truly love, God. There was no woman involved - just me, and The Almighty creator of me. My Savior, my Redeemer, my Comforter, my King, my Lord, my “Everything” in life. Could I have received as much fullness in intimacy if it had been with a lady? No. Could it have been as rewarding? No. Would I prefer to have had the same experience with God and at the same time it also included a woman? Most definitely, Yes.
But the reality of it is that it was just God and I - hanging out, enjoying the rain, the experiences, and time that He shared with me. It’s hard to beat that for a “relationship building” day, huh?
This is where the problem lies so often with me though, (as was the case in relationships with women in the past) – I start taking things for granite, and more importantly I start taking the other one in the relationship for granite. I begin to lose sight of the importance that a day like Saturday has, in building a stronger bond between us. I forget to stop long enough to enjoy the rain, and needed conversations. I fail to remember the child-like pleasure in hopping over the rain puddles, instead of merely feeling sorry for myself, or being frustrated because my feet get a little wet every now and then.
I stop trying to give what I should give, and begin to mentally justify why I should get in the relationship. I totally lose focus on the important issue - which is GOD, and start looking at others (for a variety of reasons i.e.,) as a reason to be happy, or for guidance and direction, and yes even intimacy. I become unfaithful to the only one that can both promise and guarantee faithfulness to me. And here’s the “biggie” I begin to get more focused on myself, and less focused on Him. Then once, again I find myself standing at the threshold of “sucking at another relationship” which I have a haunting pattern of doing.
So how do I break this repetitive bad behavior? By doing what I know works to preserve a healthy relationship! I pray. I read the Bible. I seek His input in each decision of my life. I refocus myself upon Him each day, so that I don’t get going too far down the wrong road. And most importantly I do the one thing that if I had done in most of my failed relationships it would’ve prevented me from being labeled as “sucking at it” - I say I’m sorry when I’m wrong, and ask for forgiveness.
Then we start all over again – hand in hand, listening to the rain, talking about our plans together, and just enjoying our relationship with each other. The best part of a relationship with God is, that even if I “suck at it”, He still loves me. He doesn’t leave me. There’s no costly court proceedings to go through, (ok maybe some spitting up of property), but there’s always the opportunity to reconcile things with Him. Then He simply wipes the slate clean - no bringing up my past faults the next time I screw up – completely clean as if we had just fallen in love for the first time…
How about that?
Hey, maybe I’m getting better at this relationship stuff after all. Recognizing the right steps to take to insure success is a very big step in getting to where I need to be with this part of my life. I know, I know - it sounds too much like Dr. Phil again, but I’m sure there’s scripture to support such a notion as well.
Thanks God for loving me, even when I’m so unlovable!
Doug
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