JUST BENEATH THE SURFACE

Jennifer and Amanda had been best friends since grade school but there has always been a bit of jealousy and resentment between them.  Jennifer hated the way the boys always showed Amanda more attention than her and Amanda has, as long as she could remember, always despised the way Jennifer would kind of ignore her if Kelli was around.   Neither girl had any clue about the other’s resentment.  Petty stuff between school kids yes, but as the two became adults the fallout from their unresolved resentment of certain things toward each other took its toll on the relationship. 

As they grew older and moved from grade school to high school the list of things they resented about each other grew longer and longer, yet they were all still pretty much just petty issues in the big scheme of life.  Teenagers don’t often have a big scheme of things perspective about life, though you’ll never convince them of that. Sadly, over time they grew apart and eventually stopped talking to each other all together.  Oh sure, they still consider each other a close friend, but the potential their relationship had in the beginning is now lost. 

The problem really isn’t the issues they have with each other or even the jealousy and resentment it brought about, it is the fact the girls are unable to resolve their differences because they allow it to continue to lay just beneath the surface rather than address it.   Neither girl wants to do or say anything to hurt the other’s feelings. Both treasured their friendship enough they would never do anything to cause a riff between them, yet neither one understands their unresolved resentment was doing exactly that all along.  

Let me ask you; How many relationships have you had in your past that ended unfulfilled because of a jealousy or resentment issue, either on your part or theirs?  I suspect the truth is we’ve all had a few too many, even if it was just one!  Marriages end every day because of it, but in the legal world they call it irreconcilable differences. Sometimes relationships end, or never really begin and we have no clue as to why. Quite often its’ because of some issue that went unresolved by one or both parties.  

What often seems like such a small issue, not really worthy of our time and attention, can lead to a major erosion of something much bigger.  In the case of Jennifer and Amanda, what seemed too petty to risk the possibility of damaging their treasured relationship, ended up killing off their friendship altogether.  At times it’s something much bigger though, the hurt or wrong isn't petty, it’s deeply felt.  Those are the ones that become the toughest to reconcile within ourselves, much less with the offender.  

A long, long time ago I went to tech school to get an Associate Degree in Business Data Processing. It was back before the personal computer was invented – that long ago.  I still remember how much I loved my favorite class, Flow-charting.  Most of you know what flow-charting is, but if that term is new to you, here is a simple explanation.  It’s an effort to trace all of the affects a particular item has on everything around it. Which if you’re writing computer programs that process becomes vitally important.  Now, I admit you have to be pretty strange to love flow-charting, but it was right down my ally.  I've always been fascinated to see how the cause and affect process is so vivid in our everyday circumstances.  Strange – yep, that’s me!

A very common use of a flow-chart is probably something we've all looked at from time to time and didn't even see it as being a flow-chart - an organizational chart at the business you work.   Most companies have one, it’s usually strategically placed where everyone can be visually reminded exactly where they fit in and just how higher up the ladder your bosses are than you. 

Organizational charts almost always are the same regardless the company you work for in America.  They usually have the CEO or President at the top, then on the next level it’ll have far too many Vice-Presidents, then below them is a bunch of executive managers that do very little except day dream of a day when they get to move up to a VP position.  The flow-charting continues all the way down until it gets to the bottom line, which is usually the people that actually get the work done that pays the salaries and bonuses for all those positions above their level on the organizational chart.  Ten chiefs for every Indian, as the old saying goes!  I love the Japanese version of the organizational chart; it’s an upside down version of the American one.  The real workers are at the top instead of the bottom, and it goes all the way down until you get to the last line where the Big Cheese is listed.  I’m pretty sure their pay structure is the same as here in America though, but at least on paper it looks really good. Anyway back to my point about flow-charting.

The reason I brought up flow-charting is this, just beneath the surface of an issue such as hurt or anger is always another issue that is tied to it, such as resentment or un-forgiveness, etc.  What I’m learning more and more by examining my own life is; regardless the issue I find that I have, there are always parasite issues attached to it and they all need to be resolved, not just the one on the surface.  I’ve found I can’t address an issue of un-forgiveness without tracing it back to where it originated, and usually that’s where I’ll find another issue that needs to be resolved as well.   It’s a hard process, but I’m really trying!  I’m sincerely asking the Holy Spirit to open my eyes to these issues so I can grow as a person and stop doing damage to myself and those around me.   I’m pretty sure I’ll never get finished but I know it’s imperative to subject myself to this process.  I admit, I hate it when God shines his flashlight on an issue in my life that I’m not ready to deal with.  It’s like ugggh; can’t I just let that one go for a while, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but God sees the big picture.  He knows what our flow-chart looks like and He understands how the things that look insignificant to us are always connected to something much more damaging to our overall well-being.

Resentment, hurt, bitterness, and un-forgiveness can eat us alive as bad as or maybe even worse than any physical disease can. Just as it is with cancer or some other disease, the longer it is left unattended to develop and grow and attach itself beneath the surface, the harder it is to eradicate.  

Some of us harbor resentment toward God for things in our past.  How could he allow my precious baby to die?  How could he allow the only woman I’ve ever loved to leave me for another man?   How could he allow our house to burn to the ground, or our business to fail, or my elderly mom or dad to suffer the way they are?  Some resentment comes from hurt and pain that is anything but petty!  So how do we reconcile those issues?  Where’s the flowchart for that kind of pain or problem?  How do I forgive that level of hurt or mistrust?  The answer is always the same – Jesus!  We'll never understand everything that happens to us in life, but we know this; we can trust Jesus to be there with us while we're dealing with it if we only ask. 

Recently I was reminded once again just how brief life here on earth is, and just how unpredictable our future can be.  Carrying around baggage like resentment, bitterness, un-forgiveness adds so much stress to our lives and certainly reduces the amount of time we have to enjoy this life to the fullness.  When you think about it, the amounts of damage and pain we unintentionally inflict on our bodies and minds physically, mentally, and emotionally are unreal!  

I’m convinced this is the kind of STUFF Jesus is referring to when he says; Come all who are burdened and heavy laden, I will give you rest.  Place My yoke upon you, for it is light.   We have to be willing at some point in our lives to lay it all down and resist the urge to pick it back up again!  We must walk away – walk in the direction of the light and away from the darkness. He will rescue us – He will show us how to forgive, where to find strength, peace and comfort in times of grief, turmoil, strife, and chaos.  I ask you; what is it that we suffer that Jesus hasn’t suffered as well? 

 I’m praying for all the Jennifers and Amandas out there, struggling with the resentment and un-forgiveness laying just beneath the surface of their lives. doug