Mike and I were neighbors – good neighbors – good friends. We fished together, bowled together, cooked out together, coached little league teams together. Good neighbors, good friends! He was a great guy and his wife Brenda was pretty cool as well. Mike and I had this connection like brothers and sisters often have. No matter how long in between fishing trips or how many wintery months between cook outs, we always seemed to simply pick back up the conversation we were last having and continue on as if it had minutes not weeks or months. If you have one of those kinds of relationship with someone, you know what I'm talking about. Transitioning through time and distance the friendship never misses a beat. I really miss having Mike as a neighbor, especially thinking back on all the times we shared talking, laughing, living, and catching fish together.
On the flip-side of the too few Mikes of my life has been the many other neighbors of the opposite variety. You know, the kind that rarely speaks. The ones that will never mow one inch over the property line, and expect you to show the same restraint on your end. Neighbors that would be as likely to avoid you in the aisles of the grocery store, as you would them. As hard as this may be to believe, I've actually had a few snotty neighbors to call the Law on me over the years, for playing my music too loud, or making too much noise working on my boat at three in the morning, or for just generally being rude to them. I know, it just doesn't seem possible, does it!
My brother Ed has one of those kinds of neighbors now, and I feel bad that he has to put up with all the hassle that comes with it. No matter how nice you are in return they're determined to make you their enemy. Okay, it probably didn't help that Ed punched him in the nose a few years back, but come on, forgive and forget people. What happens because the forgive and forget rule never gets evoked is you slowly become a recluse in your own home simply trying to avoid them. And as time goes by your daily routine gives in to a lesser way of living simply because of a “bad” neighbor or two. At least that's the way I always saw it. I never once thought the problem could possibly be with me. Enough about lousy neighbors, I'm getting mad just thinking about 'em.
Ronnie and I were room-mates for a while. Though we had been good friends since our high school days, the room-mate arrangement kinda caused a stress fracture in our relationship that had not been there before he moved in. Getting kicked to the curb by his wife after she found him to be sort of a cheat (okay, he was a cheat – kinda like being pregnant I suppose) he said he had nowhere else to go, thus he moved into the second bedroom of my apartment. He was a smoker, I'm not. He was a slob, I'm not, or at least not always. He was a stay out late every night / come in drunk kinda guy, I'm not. Well, maybe once or twice, or sometimes more often, but not every night, not all work-week long. Though we shared the same apartment for awhile we didn't share the same life. He would go his direction, and I would go mine. Usually on Sunday afternoons we would come together in the living room, watch some football, talk about the happening of our week, then start the process all over again. We were still friends when he moved out, but it was most certainly a different level of friendship.
I was sure glad his wife caved, and took him back when she did. I admit I was tiring of him pretty quickly. I never had the desire to have a room-mate ever again. I guess sharing an apartment or house yet nothing else, just seems like such an empty relationship to me, and besides who needs the hassle or smoke-stained ceilings anyway - life's too short, as they say.
And speaking of wives, (okay, that's stretching it a bit simply to make the connection, I know) have I mentioned how great a spouse I have. Okay, I know almost every journal entry I find someway to add a little something about Dale, but hey I have that right. I really love being married to her, and I think she feels the same way about me on my good days!. Though only being married for one year, two months, seven days, and an hour or two she and I seem to be getting closer and closer as we get more and more shared life experiences under our belts. Sure we all know it's easy to walk hand in hand through the rainbows of life, but hanging on to each other when the winds are whipping every direction, now that takes commitment. We're committed – this I know! She and I enjoy so much together - yard work, cooking (okay her cooking and my eating) movies (at least when she picks them out), Braves baseball games, long drives in the country etc, etc. You name it, we enjoy it together. She makes such a wonderful partner, I can't thank God nearly enough for giving us each other, especially after so many failures on both sides. The one thing we like to share more than any other is to go to church together. You see, she works every other weekend, and my work causes me to miss some Sunday services as well, but when we make to the worship services together it feels so complete. It simply feels so good to be in the presence of God with fellow believers praising, worshiping, learning and loving.
To paraphrase what so many others have said about their own personal experiences; If I had to go through all I have been through just to get to Dale, to get to this type of relationship, to get to this level of love - I reckon I'd be willing to do it all over again. For this fruit is so wonderfully sweet coming from a vineyard that has seen so much blood, sweat, and certainly its share of tears during the many barren seasons of years gone by. She / us is so worth every penny of the price I've paid to get here. Did I mention God has been so very, very good to me, though I deserve it not. I love my spouse, and she loves me. It may sound silly but I cry when I write about her just like I often cry at church. I cry when I read, hear, or experience a LOVE story – Dale, God, and me certainly is that. Just can't help it, I cry. Sappy, I know!
This morning, as I was thinking about neighbors, room-mates, and spouses (go figure) I thought how any one of these three could closely resemble the relationship status so many of us have with God. You either see folks that have a neighbor (the good or bad kind) type of connection, or they have an at-arms-distance room-mate relationship, or they have a spousal sort of thing going on between them and God. Disagree? Think about your friends and family and see (in your own mind) which of these descriptions best represents the relationship level they portray with the God-being in their lives. No, I'm not asking anyone to be judgmental, (that's my job -LOL) I'm just suggesting, let's take a minute and see which of these lights seem to be shining from the cracks in their shields? If you're like me, you'll find it much easier to see evidence of one of these three levels of relationships between God and our friends or family members than it is when looking in the mirror. That's an issue we need to work on, you know?
Though I proudly proclaim (as many of you do), a loving spousal type of relationship with God, the behind the scenes view may look much the contrary to others. At times it may look as if me and the Big Guy are more like room-mates going our separate paths all week long, and then merely coming together for a brief encounter on Sunday mornings. Or maybe at times we appear to be best of neighbors fishing, cooking out, etc - yet sleeping, eating breakfast, showering, and doing laundry in our separate homes. Then sadly, there are times we look like the spiteful neighbors that show up on those episodes of COPS where there's always that drunk dude without a shirt standing on the front porch of his double-wide, can of Bud in hand, cussing up a storm, cause his ignorant a-- neighbor is playing the Dark Side of the Moon album by Pink Floyd as loud as his busted-out piece of crap speakers will blare.
You ever notice how no matter the city the show is being filmed from, the cops always give the same warning; "If we have to come back out here tonight were taking someone to jail. Now close your door, even though the top screen is missing and leave each other alone." It reminds me of my mom's stern voice from decades ago at our bedroom door, well after bedtime. You boys better get to sleep, cause if I have to come back up here I know some boys that's going to get their butt whipped. Now go to sleep!
Hee,hee,hee came the little voices from beneath the sheets, then one of us would flip a booger at the other, or something really cool like that. Boy, did I get side-tracked, but anyway.....
Yep, that visual from the trailer park just about sums up the relationship we have with God at times - enemies more often than friends, but then the beer wears off, the album plays out, the night moves on and we get up the next morning to the smell of bacon and coffee coming from the other's kitchen so we head over to make our apology, all the while hoping to get invited to stay for breakfast. All is well in the neighborhood once again, at least til nightfall, or beer-thirty whichever comes first.
You see, as much as I like the idea of Dale and I going together to God's house on Sunday mornings, I long to consistently wake up with God and myself sharing a cup of coffee and a doughnut (jelly-filled to be exact) with Dale everyday. I want to have a relationship with God that becomes the example for my relationship with my wife, not the other way around. I want God to teach me what it's like to be a better husband everyday, for I admittedly forget sometimes. I certainly don't want to simply be room-mates with either her or God. I want a full-fledged smoochy, smoochy, kissy, kissy kinda relationship with both. Maybe that's asking too much- but what the heck, it's my heart's desire so how can that be wrong Dr. Phil?
I never want to go back to a life where my relationship with my Maker is defined by a row of Bartlett pear trees planted along the property border, or by the name written with a Sharpie on the side of the two liter of cola in the fridge. I want a relationship with God where we have the same checking account, we enjoy the same types of movies, and where it doesn't matter if our dirty socks and nasty underwear, (okay that's a me thing) get thrown together in the same washer load. I want the level of intimacy with God you don't get from simply being neighbors or room-mates, or even each others spouse. And guess what - His word says that's exactly what He wants with us. He doesn't want us moving into the house next door or the bedroom down the hall – He doesn't just want to marry us. He wants to love up on us, to live with us, to live in us. He wants to love us to the fullest extent in every way and all He wants in return is for us to have the same desire for Him. Sounds simple when it's said like that doesn't it?
We sure get something so simple all screwed up sometimes, don't we. We seem to, (for whatever reason) set up way too many self-imposing rules to follow in our relationship with God. Why? After all isn't that the role Religion takes on? We really shouldn't add to the mess, now should we. Even so, we establish boundaries and personal spaces where God never intended them to be, then we wonder why we fill so empty, and so distant from God at times. I believe we all too often try and make our relationship with God from the same mold as our relationships with others come from. We try and fit God into the same little neatly packed boxes we have our neighbors, room-mates, and spouses in, and He just doesn't fit! So what we end up with is a box that contains less than the full measure of God and somehow we see it as being His fault, His shortcomings, His lacking – rather than a problem of our own makings.
Here's the weekly statement from Captain Obvious; Our relationship with God needs to be the mold in which we form all other relationships - not the other way around!
What a much different life we would have if that were so, don't you agree? No more arguing over which side of the boundary line the fence is on, or who's frozen pepperoni, cardboard tasting, pizza was that in the freezer, or even who's turn it is to drive the pickup to church. It would all be different I suppose. I'm learning more and more each day the true benefits that come from having a REAL relationship with God, as well as learning to recognize the many pitfalls we create for ourselves in relationships. I'm finding it's a very tough lesson to wrap even my big ole, hollowed out, pumpkin size head around, but thankfully the teacher is patient. Patient indeed!
Oh sure, I admit there are times when I miss my old neighbor Mike, and my smokey ol' room-mate Ronnie, but I'm very thankful that I've got God and Dale in my life! I'm also thankful I have you in my life. I appreciate you being willing to hang out with me for the time it took to read this. I'm grateful for you, our relationship – no matter what type it is! As a certain insurance company claims to be, I suggest we also try and be a good neighbor to someone today. doug
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